I remember back when I first found out my wife was pregnant, I had plans for what type of parent I was going to be. I remembered the mistakes my parents and my friends with kids had made and I was going to do it better.  Gone were the bad habits, and the tricks parents used to not really engage their kids. I was going to do it right, and I wasn’t alone. My childless friends felt as I did. We knew how to do it better and we were going to.

Now four, almost five years later let me tell you, I was wrong. I was very, very, very wrong. It didn’t take me four years to realize this, it just took me four years to have enough free time to write it down.

Here are 7 lies parents say before having kids:


7. Then – My children will eat what I cook – I will teach my children to appreciate fine cuisine. They will have expansive pallets and enjoy trying new things as much as I do.
Now –  Please eat. I don’t care what. We have been sitting at this table for over an hour. Please eat something. I long ago gave up on making exciting new dishes. Now I make whatever the kids want if it will just make them eat. Hot Dogs and Pop-tarts for every meal? Fine. Just please eat.

6. Then – My children won’t be lied to – I’m not going to lie to my children. I will be honest with them. I will tell them how things work and won’t dumb things down for them. Knowledge is power, I want them to have it.
Now –  I lie everyday. Why can’t we go to McDonalds?  It’s closed. Can I have a snack? No it’s almost dinner time (in 4 hours). Can I play with your iPhone? The battery is dead (or I want to play on it). Why? Because I said so. Sometimes a quick lie will save hours of arguments and explanations. Sometimes one lie will get me an hour of quiet, and it’s worth it

 5. Then – My children won’t eat fast food – The food served to my kids will be organic and healthy. We will take the time to cook good foods and not my children become part of the raging obesity epidemic sweeping the nation. 
Now- Unless you are planning on coming over here to cook, I don’t want to hear it. Also read number 7

4. Then – My children won’t destroy my things – I won’t allow my children to act like the ruffians I see at playgrounds. My children will know better and will not break things. They will respect their own as well as other people’s property.
Now – The kids break everything they touch. If they can get near it, they can break it. The only things I have left are what is on high shelves. For example my mom bought my kids a snow globe. The girls loved it. They also broke it in less than an hour from receiving it.

 3. Then – My children will play outside. TV will be limited – My children will learn to play outside and the amount of time they spend with TV’s video games and other such electronic devises will be very limited. Their imaginations will be their entertainment fostering a growing imagination and creativity.
Now – As we watch Frozen for the 1,000th time I have to admit I let this one get away from me.  Sometimes if the kids are fighting and I turn on the TV I can get 5 minutes of quiet. FIVE interrupted minutes of quiet! When we travel the IPad is a must have item. But some good has come from this, my daughter uses a few learning apps that have been great for her, (she’s reading at four!)

 2. Then – My children will respect and listen to me – I will teach my children about listening to and respecting adults. My children will not talk back or scream not like those hooligans I saw at the store crying and acting out despite what their mother said. All because she didn’t give them some trinket they wanted.
Now – The other day I gave a long speech about responsibility and listening. I talked about good behavior and not being naughty. I was talking to the cat and I think got farther than when I gave the same speech to the kids. When I am less than a foot away they claim they can’t hear me. Excuses like that make me wonder if they are dumb, or just think I am.

1. Then – My children will keep my house clean. – From birth I will teach my children to put things away they will be responsible for their belongings.  I am not a maid and won’t clean up after them.
Now – Yeah I was dumb.


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